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Breakfast at Tiffany's watchalong - as it happened Liveblog: Stuart Heritage watched the whole of the 1961 classic, joined by readers Share Tweet this Email Stuart Heritage , Wednesday 4 September 2013 12.34 BST Jump to comments ( … ) Print this Share Contact us Send to a friend Sender's name Recipient's email address Your IP address will be logged Share Short link for this page: http://gu.com/p/3tfn4 StumbleUpon reddit Tumblr Digg LinkedIn Google Bookmarks del.icio.us livejournal Facebook Twitter Contact us Contact the Film editor
film@ Report errors or inaccuracies: userhelp@ Letters for publication should be sent to: letters@ If you need help using the site: userhelp@ Call the main Guardian and Observer switchboard: +44 (0)20 3353 2000 Advertising guide License/buy our content George Peppard and Martin Balsam offer to light Audrey Hepburn's cigarette in a scene from the film 'Breakfast At Tiffany's', 1961. Photograph: Archive Photos/Getty Images Live
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tiffany And that’s the end. Now all I want to do is get a cat, buy a nice dress, talk in an obscenely stilted way, move in next door to the universe’s most racist man and generally behave like the worst person who was ever born. Such is the magic of Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Thanks for joining in, if you joined in. I’ll be back next week to liveblog another film on TV, so let me know if you see any good ones. Want to follow me on Twitter? I’m @StuHeritage . Don’t want to follow me on Twitter? I’m sure I’ll cope. Until next week, everyone.3.06pm BST
tiffany outlet She starts crying. She jumps out of the taxi (without paying the driver, the arsehole) and chases after him. She starts looking for the cat (even though it's probably mashed beneath some sort of truck, the idiot).
tiffany jewelry outlet Oh, scrap that. The cat's still alive. She makes plans to invent Instagram as a way for all cats to be properly documented. She kisses Peppard. They go on to lead a toxic and codependent relationship that leaves both of them miserable and unfulfilled. THE END.3.02pm BST
She's decided to go to Brazil anyway. He won't let her. She says she doesn't want to be put in a cage. He quietly amends his plans to keep her in a sex dungeon. She throws her cat out of a taxi. It starts raining. He gets out of the taxi. He shouts at her. Then he regrets his decision not to bring an umbrella with him.2.59pm BST
And now, with 15 minutes left of the film, Peppard has bailed Hepburn out. He's collected all her things and is taking her to hideout at a hotel. Her plans to move to Brazil are in tatters and she's teetering on the brink of that full-blown breakdown she's been promising to have for the last hour and a half.2.53pm BST
Just when it looked like everything was going well, Mickey Rooney has Peppard and Hepburn arrested for aiding that prisoner from earlier in the film. You can never trust those inscrutable childstars-turned-pretend-Asians.2.49pm BST
Oh dear. Peppard has asked Hepburn to marry him. She ignores him and then blows up a pressure cooker. METAPHOR.2.48pm BST
It is some time later. Peppard has moved out and become successful. Hepburn has taken up knitting, plans to move to Brazil and seems happy. THE END. The moral of Breakfast at Tiffany's is that you do much better in life if you aren't romantically attached to either Audrey Hepburn or George Peppard.
Oh, wait, it's still going.2.44pm BST
Something's happened to Audrey Hepburn. She's crying and wailing and showing a fairly profound disregard for soft furnishings. This is all because her brother was killed in action. Possibly shot, possibly overdosed on peanut butter. Anyway, he's dead. That's probably the main thing.2.42pm BST
Oh no! Now Mickey Rooney is in the bath, pulling a funny face! Whatever will he do next? Apart from issue and full and frank apology to the entire Asian community, obviously.2.37pm BST
And yet George Peppard has still found it in his heart to declare his love for Audrey Hepburn. Imagine if they got together at the end of this film. Imagine how terrible their children would be.2.34pm BST
By chance, Peppard has run into Hepburn at the library, where she's reading a selection of reference books about South America. Still wearing sunglasses indoors. Still dreadful.2.32pm BST
Peppard has decided to dump his married lover because he nicked a mask and kissed a girl. "I CAN FIX HER!" he tells her, wildly gesticulating at his freakishly precise haircut at the same time by way of explanation.2.28pm BST
Finally, fuelled by the giddy high of slightly unbalancing a shopkeeper's quarterly inventory audit, Peppard and Hepburn kiss.2.27pm BST
This scene, incidentally, is in the Guinness Book of records as the most obscenely long movie scene about petty shoplifting in all of cinema history.
Oh, they've stolen some facemasks. Another slap in the face for America's mid-century artisanal facemask manufacturers.2.25pm BST
And now Hepburn is convincing Peppard to shoplift. No wonder he went crazy twenty years later and started blowing up foreigners with improvised explosives. You would, too, if you had to spend a meaningful amount of time around Audrey Hepburn.2.23pm BST
Now Peppard is explaining how libraries work to Audrey Hepburn. You know why he's so into her, right? It's because women who have the mental capacity of a three-year-old are SEXY.2.18pm BST
And now they're at Tiffany's. They're not eating breakfast, but Audrey Hepburn is chewing on her sunglasses. That's close enough.2.17pm BST
But at least she's made up with George Peppard. They plan to spend a day doing things that they've never done. Or at least things that George Peppard has never done, because Audrey Hepburn can't think of anything that she's never done.
Hey, Audrey, how about shutting up?2.16pm BST
Back to the film. Guess what? Audrey Hepburn is expressing an ostensibly carefree but clearly dysfunctional attitude towards life in an excessively verbose way. For once.2.14pm BST
And now an advert where Audrey Hepburn listens to Moon River and eats Galaxy chocolate. The Channel 4 matinee film tomorrow is Hellfighters. I hope it has an accompanying advert where John Wayne chugs down a Coke Zero and high-fives a cartoon horse.2.09pm BST
Now drunk, Audrey Hepburn has revealed her plans to marry one of the 45-year-old alcoholics who went to her awful party. George Peppard, because he is an idiot, grows upset upon hearing this instead of being relieved that he doesn't have to put up with having such a clingy sack of half-arsed affectations latching onto him all the time.2.05pm BST
Wow, the world was so beige in 1961.2.04pm BST
To drown her sorrows, Peppard has taken Hepburn to the sort of bar where women take their clothes off while wearing massively restrictive skirts, which is a testament to their multitasking abilities. Audrey Hepburn wears sunglasses inside. She is a dreadful person.2.01pm BST
And now her husband has gone back to wherever he picked up that terrible diction.1.56pm BST
Audrey Hepburn is meting her husband. He's extremely pleased to see her, even though she's wearing a hat that looks like a fatally injured penguin. Audrey Hepburn's husband is easily pleased.Updated at 1.58pm BST 1.53pm BST
Oh, wait, that's not who's trailing him. The man in the funny hat is actually Audrey Hepburn's husband. He's revealing Audrey Hepburn's real sad story. She was born in the rural south and had children, but she ran away from home and changed her name. Also, lots of other exposition that's hard to work out because Audrey Hepburn's husband talks like Boomhauer from King of the Hill.Updated at 1.58pm BST 1.51pm BST
I should have mentioned earlier. George Peppard's lifestyle is being funded by a rich married woman. And now he's being trailed across New York by a man working for her husband. The man is wearing a funny hat, because when you're trailing someone it's best to look as painfully conspicuous as you possibly can.1.49pm BST
Audrey Hepburn has inspired Peppard to start writing again. He's writing a piece called 'My Friend'. I didn't get to read that much of it, but I assume it goes "My friend is a bit of a twonk, and she talks too much, and her mouth doesn't really move in the right way when she sings, and I really hope that she doesn't become an iconic figure for girls in the future because that would send a tremendously irresponsible message".
I didn't really get to look at it properly, though.1.46pm BST
The party is over. We are now at Sing Sing, where George Peppard has inexplicably followed Audrey Hepburn to a prison. She's wearing a giant hat, and the wardens have let her keep it on. She could have anything stuffed up there. A file. A hammer. An injured bird for a kindhearted prisoner to nurse back to health. Anything. This is a serious oversight.1.43pm BST
Oh no, the police have arrived. Or the aporeeese, or however Mickey Rooney pronounced it.1.42pm BST
We're back. Also at this party, women who wear watches on their ankles, women who cry into mirrors and gratuitous close-ups of womens' bottoms. But not Mickey Rooney. He's upstairs, pronouncing the word 'police' in such an offensive way that he should probably have been arrested on the spot.
In short, this is the very worst party of all time.1.40pm BST
Now for an ad break. Let's try and spot the assumed demographic of people who watch the Channel 4 matinee film. Adverts for Audi, Estee Lauder, diet readymeals, cheap internet, home insurance, Vax, Graze boxes and a Doctor Who collector magazine. So if you're a fat clumsy geek who smells nice, drives nice cars, doesn't have the internet and likes the idea of having Bombay mix delivered by post, you're bang on target. Well done you.1.33pm BST
The party is in full swing now. All the 45-year-old alcoholics are having a wonderful time, listening to the incidental music from the early Louis Theroux documentaries and smoking too much.
It's weird to see so much smoking in a film. I've been conditioned by the last 15 years of cinema to assume that a cigarette in film is a clear signifier of evil. If that's the case, I'm currently watching a symposium of supervillains.1.30pm BST
George Peppard at this house party: "What a thrilling anecdote by an obviously wise man".
Anyone else if they were at this house party: "OH MY GOD SHUT UP".1.28pm BST
Something I forgot about Breakfast At Tiffany's: all the characters like to hang out at horrible parties frequented by 45-year-old alcoholics. Every party in Breakfast At Tiffany's is basically a Wetherspoons at 11am.1.26pm BST
Audrey Hepburn has fallen asleep on George Peppard, and is speaking full sentences of exposition at the same time. Maybe that's why she's such a style icon. If that was anyone else, she'd have grunted three times and drooled a full pint of saliva across Peppard's abdomen.1.23pm BST
And now the part of the film where Audrey Hepburn reveals her sad backstory. So far, her sad backstory is that her brother ate quite a lot of peanut butter once. That isn't really much of a sad backstory at all. She'd barely get through to the second round of X Factor auditions with that.1.21pm BST
Oh, George Peppard is a writer. That's why he doesn't ever really get out of bed or wear clothes. It all makes so much sense now.1.19pm BST
Meanwhile, Audrey Hepburn has run away from a man who's trying to have sex with her, and now she's hiding in George Peppard's bedroom. And smoking. He's smoking too. And he's in bed. If this film was made today, both of them would die in a needlessly moralistic housefire.1.17pm BST
The first ad break is over, and here's Mickey Rooney again. "AMISS GORIGHTREE!" he shouts. And then he walks into a door. This is such an unfair stereotype. I know loads of former childstars who walk around pretending to be offensively Japanese, and they've all got perfectly good motor skills.1.12pm BST
Plus his girlfriend overuses the word 'darling'. That's probably enough to drive him into anyone else's arms.1.12pm BST
And now, having discovered that Audrey Hepburn is such a mess that she makes a living by basically showing her ankles to prisoners, George Peppard vows to fix her. Again, this isn't a surprise. His hair is far too neat for him to be anything other than a ridiculously self-important meddler.1.06pm BST
George Peppard in this film: "What a delightfully quirky girl you are, Audrey Hepburn."
Anyone else if they were in George Peppard's position: "OH MY GOD STOP TALKING".1.05pm BST
And now Hepburn has just met-cute with George Peppard. He's just seen that she keeps her telephone in a suitcase. He did this while being attacked by her cat. And he hasn't left. The moral of Breakfast At Tiffany's is that George Peppard deserves everything he gets for not immediately leaving as soon as he sees what an affected cartoon he's just met.1.02pm BST
So. Audrey Hepburn has a cat and a ramshackle attitude towards personal responsibility. If they ever remade this, her part would be played by Twitter.1.01pm BST
HAHAHA! Mickey Rooney is Japanese! He's a crazy Japanese man! "AMISS GORIGHTREE!" he keeps bellowing at nothing, while falling over everything in his room, because Japanese people are funny. Truly, this is a performance for the ages.
The dark ages, obviously.12.58pm BST
Anyway, here's dear old Audrey Hepburn eating a pastry and looking at the window of a jewellery store. Replace 'pastry' with 'kebab', 'looking at' with 'vomiting on' and 'jewellery store' with 'Nando's' and you basically have my life. Hope that helps.12.57pm BST
I think I just got mentioned on air by the Channel 4 guy. Forget Breakfast at Tiffany's. I've gone CRAZY WITH POWER. I am essentially the liveblogging Kanye West, and I am comfortable with this.Updated at 12.59pm BST 12.56pm BST
Here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, Breakfast at Tiffany's.12.43pm BST
But before Breakfast at Tiffany's, a weird show where Kirstie Allsopp basically buys a box for some toddlers and then makes them paint it while she holds her face an inch away from them and bellows "YOU LIKE UPCYCLING, DON'T YOU? DON'T YOU? I KNOW YOU DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY CLEAR GRASP OF BASIC CHRONOLOGY YET, BUT YOU LIKE RETRO WALLPAPER, DON'T YOU? I! LOVE! UPCYCLING!" and then falls down in tears, cursing the property crash that she helped initiate for destroying her proper job.12.34pm BST
Good afternoon everyone, and welcome to this week’s Film on the Box liveblog. After last week’s gruesome, disastrous seemingly never-ending screening of Mamma Mia! – an experience so traumatic that I still wake up tearing at my face with my fingernails, screaming “PLEASE STOP SINGING AT THAT BOY’S CROTCH!” at the ghost of Christine Baranski – we’re back on slightly safer territory today. According to your wishes , the subject of this liveblog will be Breakfast at Tiffany’s, which airs at 12:55pm on Channel 4.
Breakfast at Tiffany’s doesn’t really need that much of an introduction. Directed by Blake Edwards. Starring that woman from every poster that every twentysomething woman has ever bought. Moon River. Hannibal from The A-Team. Mickey Rooney being so spectacularly racist that it’s a genuine surprise that people are still allowed to actually show it. That song called Breakfast at Tiffany’s by those dreadful people from the 1990s. The constant ill-founded 52-year-old assumption that you can somehow purchase a Sausage and Egg McMuffin at a jewellers. That’s about it.
Everyone loves Breakfast at Tiffany’s, don’t they? Apart from Truman Capote, obviously – he claimed that “It makes me want to throw up” – and me, a bit. I haven’t watched it in years, but my abiding memory is that it’s aged about as well as a fish in a sock in an airing cupboard. But this is the Channel 4 afternoon film! People don’t want to see things that have aged well! They want to see things that are short and lightweight and either uncomfortably racist or uncomfortably sexist. In that regard, Breakfast at Tiffany’s is perfect. Plus adverts for meals on wheels. I’ll be back here in half an hour when the film starts but, until then, please enjoy the original Breakfast at Tiffany’s trailer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urQVzgEO_w8Updated at 1.54pm BST Next Previous Blog home Share Tweet this Email More from Film on the box liveblog A weekly liveblog on a film on TV, voted for by readers Latest:
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